Some of you may have heard about the unfortunate incident at the Texas GOP convention, resulting in a major cleanup near the stage. Many have seen the video, Like most of you, I assumed I had heard the whole story. I had not.

What follows is a personal statement from Paige the African Elephant, submitted exclusively to Muddy Water & Mischief with the help of a Nigerian Prince who has asked not to be identified, but who is offering a generous fee if only we help him move some money out of the country. I am looking into it.