The murder of Charlie Kirk was wrong. His death was unjustified, just as the hateful ideology he spread in life was unjustifiable. I despised his words, his cruelty, his ceaseless attempts to divide people. But I do not hate Charlie Kirk. I do not hate his family. And neither should you.

Extending grace to those who would never extend it to you is no easy task. It is exhausting, it is painful, and it feels at times like weakness but it is not. It is strength. It is a defiance more radical than hate itself and it is the path I choose.

In the hours after his murder, GOP leaders, our president among them, rushed to point fingers. They cast blame on leftists, on trans people, on Democrats, on Antifa, on anyone who fits into the pantheon of enemies they rely upon. They twisted tragedy into an engine for their own power, pouring poison into the wound before the body was even cold. They framed themselves as saviors in a war of good versus evil, protectors of the righteous besieged by unseen hordes.

In MAGA world, the righteous does not include me. To their movement, I am the threat. A gay, childless Democrat, with cats. Married to a woman who is gentle and good, and yet painted as wicked in their eyes, simply for loving me. To them, our existence is evil. Our relationship not worthy of recognition and undeserving of the full rights afforded by our marriage.

But I will not accept their definitions. I will not take up their hatred and wear it as my own. They can choose hate. I refuse.

What kind of country are we shaping, where hatred has become our common language? We are drowning in it, whipped daily into frenzy by pundits and politicians who profit in money and power from the chaos. Fear is the currency they trade in, because once people learn to fear, it is only a small step further to teach them to hate.

And who gets painted as the enemy? The poor are scorned as lazy and undeserving, rather than seen as people crushed by systems that reward the wealthy and punish the struggling. Minorities are demonized as drains on society, when in truth they are the lifeblood of its culture and progress. Immigrants, fleeing wars, disasters, and poverty in search of the same opportunities this nation once proudly promised, are cast as invaders, criminals, and parasites. The great betrayal is not theirs, but ours, when we reject them.

And so we continue to scroll through feeds dripping with terror and outrage. We watch conspiracy merchants grow rich by feeding us lies. We see extremism packaged and sold in the same marketplace as entertainment. And most disturbingly, we hear religious leaders, charged with preaching love, turn pulpits into loudspeakers of hatred, disguising cruelty as virtue and division as faith. That, above all, chills me.

The physicist Steven Weinberg once said: “With or without religion, good people can behave well and bad people can do evil; but for good people to do evil, that takes religion.” It takes little more than a brief review of world history and present geopolitics to understand that truth is on full display.

I cannot undo Kirk’s words. I cannot undo his death. But I can resist the contagion of hate that is overtaking all sides. I can choose, again and again, grace. Even when it costs me. Especially when it costs me. You can, too. Only love will make us great again. Not hate.